Looking back, I showed considerable restraint.
“Why don’t you just go to a doctor and get a pill?”
This coming from a man who has never been and is never going to be the poster child for good health. Besides, what does a man know about it anyway?
Some women flush, some sweat. Others deal with insomnia while some unfortunate souls juggle all three with swinging moods thrown in for good measure. For me, peri-menopause – otherwise known as the “Transition” seems to be all about my mood.
Life was so simple just a few short years ago. How I long for the time when I enjoyed seven simple days of general malaise followed by my flow – and the wonderfully manic high that followed as my hormones swung in the opposite direction.
But my formerly light yet lengthy pre-menstrual tension had, over the past twelve months, boiled itself down like an over-reduced sauce to forty-eight hours of mournful hell. Seriously. You really did not want to be a bicyclist running a stop sign during those two days if I was on the road.
Yet my body had one more trick up its sleeve. Just as I was growing accustomed to Mimm’s Evil Twin making an appearance every thirty-days she was traded in for a hormone storm of such ferocity that I could not fathom there would ever be an end. I fell into Alice’s dark rabbit hole. I fell and fell for days until a breakdown during my writer’s group (we’re talking mild hysteria, twitches and unstoppable tears) made it clear to me I needed help. I was losing my peri-menopausal mind, and I wanted to find it again.
This is usually the moment when one of my wonderful, older clients chimes in with, “Menopause? I sailed right through menopause. Don’t even remember it.” Of course she doesn’t remember. It was thirty years ago. While she was peri-menopausal, the rest of the world was watching Dallas and trying to figure out who shot J.R.!
I guess the truth is, some women do ‘sail through’. But not me. It’s embarrassing. I’m a yoga teacher, for Pete’s sake. Things like a few hormone fluctuations shouldn’t bother me. I wish. Even though I have a reasonable diet and a daily yoga practice I know that it will take more to manage my symptoms. But hormone replacement therapy is a last resort. For now, I have a three-point plan of attack: acupuncture with Chinese herb chasers, Rolfing and, of course, Yoga.
I have another ten days before my hormones take a swing toward the dark side and so it is too soon to know if my complementary approach is useful. I can tell you that, for now, the black mood is gone. This post is proof that I’m writing again – I’m functioning. But will I crumble again on December 20th? I’m not planning on it, but the truth is I just don’t know.
And now, the disclaimer. I’m single and childless and can indulge my whims. If you’re suffering – see a doctor.
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