To say it has been a busy few months is an understatement.
A friend asked the other day, “So, how do you feel now that it’s all over?” She was referring to the conclusion of two years of study at Sofia University and the success of my final paper (which you can read here), my year-long adventure in yoga-therapy training at Niroga Institute, and the end of Samyama’s first 8-week teacher training program, The Dharma Path, where I had the honor of assisting John Berg in the teaching of asana and methodology.
“Are you excited? Or is there a void?”
The possibility of there being a void in my life was something I hadn’t considered. But Hillary’s question encouraged me to step back and assess how it felt to reach the end of this hectic and amazing chapter. When I did, I realized there is indeed a gaping hole where writing assignments and reading texts and lesson preparations used to reside. The undercurrent of urgency that roiled through my psyche has mellowed to a gentle ramble. The fractal-esque symmetry of life’s repeating pattern of work, teach, study, sleep, work, teach, study, sleep has been disrupted. Like a Jenga tower with one too many blocks pulled form its foundation, I’m teetering toward the unknown. I’m restless.
And it’s unnerving.
It’s the faith I hold in the order of life that binds my fragile personal yoga practice together. When my faith is challenged and order is disrupted, my practice is challenged, too.
The charge, however, is not how to keep my practice alive, it’s how to keep it moving forward.
The key, I think, is to accept this shift in my space/time continuum as a gift. The end of school and the other recent commitments that took constant and attentive energy did not generate a gaping black hole. Nor did they manifest a void in my life. If anything, the end of these commitments created an opportunity for me to see my world and my personal practice with a new perspective. I have a chance to re-tool my practice and to put the pieces of my life together in a new way.
And that’s what I intend to do. To accept the gift of open space instead of searching for ways to see it filled. Is it possible that this is what my personal practice was meant to be all along? That I should allow my arms to open wide and that I should listen – really listen – to the sound of my breath and beating heart echoing in the space of a less busy life?