Hair Today

Hair is over rated.

Some people mark life transitions with tattoos.  I have commitment issues – the only tattoos you’ll ever see on me are the ones that fade away.  To mark my life transitions I’m more likely to go for something long lasting but a little less permanent.  Like a haircut.  A very short haircut.  Delivered through my own hands. With a one-inch blade.

Shaving your head when you’re twenty-seven – the age when I first took a cheap beard trimmer to my curly brown locks – feels brave and reckless.  Doing the same when fifty-two is eight weeks away leans a little closer to menopausal madness.  But I craved it.  I talked about it for the past week and when friends said “No!” I still threatened to do it.

And by 5:43 this afternoon my hair was in a pile at my feet.

Things change. Hair grows. When I left my apartment on August 15th for teacher training and then followed those two incredible weeks with my journey home, I changed.  I moved closer to my authentic self.  And I needed to mark that change somehow – make it tangible.  Go figure.

Fascia, Fuzz and Fear

A few weeks ago my fellow yogis and I gathered in The Pine Room at Land of Medicine Buddha to watch a video called The Fuzz Speech. Basically, the film is a short history of fascia.  Fascia is a type of connective tissue that runs throughout our body.  As we age, or if we are immobile, it begins to contract and stiffen.  After we watched the short video, we were certain of two things: we would always, always, always stretch our bodies and we wanted to study with Gil Hedley.

Gil Hedley is the anatomist and theologian who delivers The Fuzz Speech.  It’s worth the five minutes it takes to watch.

I hope to complete a six-day workshop with him during April in San Francisco.  And yet I’ve not registered for the class.  What’s holding me back?  One simple phone call.  To enroll in his cadaver study intensive, I need to call him.  But I’m afraid I won’t know what to say.  Or maybe there’s a part of me that’s hoping if I put off ringing the number long enough, the course will be full.  In other words, I’m sabotaging my potential success. I’m my own worse enemy.  But fear is a funny thing, isn’t it.  I’m not afraid of the intensive.  I’m not afraid of confronting death.  If anything, I’m afraid of life.

Last night, when a neighborhood in San Bruno exploded in flames, we were reminded that it could all be over in a flash.  Of course, bad things happen all over the world all the time.  But this is our Peninsula, and San Bruno is just down the road.  When tragedy on a massive scale hits this close to home…

I think it’s time to stop navel gazing and time to live life.  Excuse me; I have a phone call to make.

Oh – one more thing, while you’re fiddling around watching The Fuzz Speech, take a look at these photographs of bones.  The way you think about yoga and alignment will never be the same.

My New Normal

It sure has been one heck of a summer: the build up to teacher training, two weeks at Land of Medicine Buddha and three days later my journey to Pennsylvania.  And now, here I am, ready to begin again.

  • AVENIDAS STUDENTS:  Autumn classes begin the week of Monday, September 13th.  You can register with Avenidas online or in person.  Classes are Monday’s at 1:00, Tuesday at 5:00 and Friday’s at either 10:30 or 11:45.  The Monday and Friday 10:30 class are gentler than the Tuesday and Friday 11:45 class.
  • CALIFORNIA YOGA CENTER STUDENTS:  I’m back and can’t wait to begin to incorporate everything I learned during teacher training into our classes.  I’ll see you Tuesday or Friday at 9:00.

For more information on my classes check out my ‘Classes’ page.

Samsara

I was the first one home.  I had to be – it was only a ninety-minute drive.  And so while I was unpacking, Anke and Emrik were leaving for Europe.  While I did laundry, Steph was waiting for the floatplane that would bring her home and Jaymie and her husband were enjoying one last day in Santa Cruz.  As I washed my car, Kristen and Mel were driving up the coast. Michael headed to Sonoma.   As I cruised the aisles of my local Safeway, Janet was cruising at 35,000 feet somewhere over the Pacific. We were all someplace else.  We were all returning to family and friends.

There were hugs and tears, of course.  That’s what sent me away in the first place – I didn’t want everyone to see me cry, although they already had.

By the time Dave reunited with his wife I was enjoying a late lunch that did not involve lentils, quinoa or green salad (although I wish it had).  I was in my beloved green leather chair, with the remote control in my hand.

Only hours later and the old comforts were nipping at my heels.

Habits shut us down and prevent us from living the life we are meant to live.  They are like choke holds.  We struggle to wrestle free from them.

Establishing a new rhythm to my life – abandoning the patterns that hold me down – will require persistence and strong belief in my ability to make it so.

Talking to friends about the last two weeks at Land of Medicine Buddha will be a difficult thing.  I can talk about the great food, the lovely people I met, the schedule we kept – but I won’t be able to talk about how it felt.  But that’s all right.  It’s my hope I won’t have to explain anything.  My actions will speak for themselves.

Day Om…Land of Medicine Buddha

Do you remember that Superbowl commercial from 1984?  The one with the sledgehammer?  I feel a bit like that.

It turns out that somewhere along our yoga journey we became stuck on alignment.  How it happened doesn’t really matter.

For the past twenty years I’ve been turning my right foot out ninety degrees and turning my left foot in thirty for every triangle.  And so has each one of my students.   I believed the same alignment worked for everyone.  And I appreciated having rules to follow.  It felt good to know that if my feet were in set in one direction and my hands in another I was ‘doing it right’.  It didn’t hurt my average proportioned body – why would it hurt anyone else?

Besides, it’s nice putting poses into compartments: this is what Triangle looks like.  This is Half Moon.  Warrior goes like this.  And if our poses weren’t identical it wasn’t because we were breaking the Laws of Alignment – it was because we had a tight hip or a tense hamstring.  As soon as those muscles loosened up we’d be just fine.  Because we’re all the same.  Just like in that Superbowl commercial.

Well guess what?  Paul and Suzee Grilley have taken a sledgehammer to everything I thought I knew about yoga.

Here’s the thing:  It turns out we’re not all the same.

Sure, differences on the outside are easy to note:  hair color, eye color, body weight – they’re different on everyone.  But we forgot to consider the inside.  The closest most of us come to looking at bones are the plastic skeletons in high school biology class.  But those familiar plastic femurs drop off an assembly line, one after another. We don’t.  As the saying goes, “When God made you he broke the mold.” We’re one of kind.  Literally.

If you don’t believe me, look at this: bone photos

These past two weeks – which are coming to an end far too soon – have made me reconsider everything I thought I knew about yoga, about movement, about teaching.

I have loved my time here but I’m looking forward to coming home and being with all my students.  I’m looking forward to our transition – a slow unwinding – a letting go of the rules.  You won’t believe how liberating it feels.

Day Six – Land of Medicine Buddha. No – Make that ‘Home Sweet Home’

1 Comment

We have today off. My roommate invited me to drive down the coast with her but I’m a homebody.  After Friday’s last ‘Namaste’ I made my way ‘over the hill’ and came home.  Being home grounds me.  I can confirm the apartment is still here, my houseplants are still alive and the upstairs neighbors are still loud. The bottom line?  There’s a week of laundry to do and a DVR locked, loaded and ready for viewing.

So I’m here in my little studio processing the last six days and anticipating the next seven.  What I’m really trying to say is this:

Teacher training has been a colossal mind-bender (and you can feel free to replace ‘bender’ with slightly saltier language).

  • One moment I’m certain I’m a good yoga teacher – my teaching philosophy runs parallel to Paul and Suzee’s.
  • In the next moment I’m a failure because I’ve never seriously considered introducing yogic philosophy to my classes.
  • Before I arrived my yogic path was an Iyengar path – I believed his system of alignment meant my students were safe.
  • Now I’m asking myself, ‘how do I tell my students I’ve been wrong for the past sixteen years?’.
  • I convince myself that I can teach a hybrid of Iyengar and Yin (I call it I-YIN-Gar!).
  • But then I see that beautiful photo of Iyengar and his curiously long eyebrows in the studio where I teach.  He looks at me.  His brows are knit together in disapproval.

It’s a delicate balancing act, integrating two disparate schools of thought.

If you asked me, “What are you enjoying the most about teacher training?” I think the answer would change moment by moment.  But I have to admit I believe the most meaningful part of the day is the thirty-minute morning meditation.  I believe that continuing the practice when I return to “real life” will go a long way toward discovering where this new yoga path will lead.

Day Five and Counting at LMB

We learned a Yang sequence yesterday that I can’t wait to teach and this morning explored deepening stretches for the hip and lower back.  With twenty minutes to spare Paul said,  “Ok, do whatever you want.”  I couldn’t help it – I slipped in about ten minutes of Iyengar. Integrating Yin with Iyengar continues to be challenging but I don’t believe it is impossible.  During my Iyengar practice I was able to assimilate a little of Suzee’s Yang Flow with my favorite “slow flow” (triangle, half-moon, warrior one and back to standing forward bend) and if felt incredible.

I don’t believe it’s right of me to completely abandon the Iyengar way, even as I embrace Yin.  Just like everything, there is a balance.  It’s important to know what works about Iyengar (the props and the pace) and what doesn’t (the insistence on exact alignment).  And it’s important to know what works in Yin (the targeting of the fascia) and what doesn’t (the lack of precise answers that can frustrate a beginner).  I believe that in my teaching and in my practice, the two might gently learn to accommodate one another.

It’s a good day.  I can’t wait to return and share what I’m learning.

Land of Medicine Buddha – Day 2

2 Comments

Day 2 August 16th

After a light meal of soup and salad we met for the first time as a group last night in the Pine Room. After introductions, Suzee and Paul distributed a hand out and the director of LMB gave a brief talk about the trails, our accommodations, and how to fend off mountain lions.

My roommate is Kristen Butero.  She and her husband Bob own a yoga studio in Devon, Pennsylvania:  www.yogalifeinstitute.com.  They publish a monthly magazine called Yoga Living.  Bob Butero’s written a book The Pure Heart of Yoga. It’s a guide to help us apply yogic philosophy to everyday living.

Kristen has a great depth of yoga knowledge and I’m grateful to have her as a roommate.

For instance, she was a great help last night.  For the past two decades my yoga experience has been Iyengar influenced.  The yoga I am here to study – yin yoga – is the anti-thesis of Iyengar.  I’m not being asked to unlearn everything I’ve been taught, but to be open to the possibility that there is another way.  Even so, I’m finding the task difficult.  It’s not that I considered Mr. Iyengar’s method perfect.  But it has been close to perfect for me.  Maybe that’s because I like everything to have a place, and I want everything in its place.  A foot here, an arm there, look this way, breath that way. That would be easy if we were all the same.  But we’re not.  We’re not the same physically nor are we the same energetically.

I took on board all this information yesterday.  It’s basically contrary to everything I’ve been taught and – I’ll admit it – I got a little rattled.  Here’s how Kristen talked me down from the ledge last night:  In her opinion, over the last several thousand years, as the sages moved their bodies and the asanas were evolving into the yoga poses we know today, yogi’s were seeking the position where they felt their energy move without inhibition.  The position where their energy – their prana – flowed freely.

And that’s why my nice, neat little yoga wall is coming apart one brick at a time.  And if I’m honest, it hurts, but I like it.  I’m confused but I’ll be all right.  Right now I’m fairly confident I’ll still be a yoga teacher when this is all over.  Fingers crossed.

But seriously, in a group of students, why should we strive to make poses seem identical?  Why should they remain static?  What I learned from Paul and Suzee today is that poses are organic.  They can shift.  They have a functional aspect that we often sacrifice for the aesthetic (read that again – go on – read it – it’s a big deal, and I learned it today).  Furthermore, everyone in the room experiences the pose differently.  Not only does every person in the room experience the pose differently, but I believe we experience the pose differently each time we practice.  It is not be the same experience.

A bit about our schedule.  The day begins at 7:00 with thirty minutes of meditation followed by breakfast.  We meet for two hours of yoga at 9:00 and then a one-hour lecture.  Following lunch we have a further three hours of lecture, theory and practice.  Practice is when we work in groups and analyze structural differences, work on modifying poses for different situations and study anatomy.

And if you’re wondering, the vegetarian food is great.  I was hoping to leave a few pounds lighter.  If they keep serving thick lentil soup with warm bread and butter I don’t think that’s going to happen.

Day 1 – Land of Medicine Buddha

Day 1 August 15th

I arrived at Land of Medicine Buddha two hours early but still able to register and move into my room.  Since then I’ve been writing and waiting for my roommate to arrive.  There are people here from around the world.  I wasn’t expecting that.  A woman traveled from Hong Kong, there are several from Europe and Canada and many from across the United States.  Californians are in the minority.

All the worry that filled my head before leaving Palo Alto did not materialize.  I did not crash and burn on Highway 17 and I did not become lost.  Everyone else brought as much luggage as me.  And everyone is very, very friendly.

Land of Medicine Buddha is tucked away off of Prescott Road outside of Soquel.  It feels remote and yet Soquel itself is only ten minutes away.  There are several main buildings clustered together – rustic dormitories, a reception area and shop, meditation rooms and a dining hall.  It’s like camping for Buddhists.

I met Paul and Suzee right away.  Actually – I walked right past them, failing to recognize the follically challenged Paul with a hat on.  They’re lovely and welcoming and Paul’s peculiar laugh rings out across the camp.

After unpacking and swearing to Suzee that I did not – under any circumstances – want to know where I could find a wireless connection I brought out my notebooks and wrote the old-fashioned way, with pen and paper.

But the beautiful day worked its magic.  It’s warm and sunny.  The sky is sparkling blue and from my perch I looked up through the leaves of a plum tree made ruby red by the filtering sun.

And then Chloe, the welcoming cat, made her appearance and I knew everything would be all right.

Time for an Upgrade

2 Comments

Mimm.1 is Being Upgraded!


Look for the Launch of the New and Improved

Mimm.2 around August 31.

New features of Mimm.2 include:

  • Greater depth of knowledge – particularly regarding anatomy for yogis
  • Broader understanding of a posture’s effect on the human body
  • The ability to adjust postures to suit an individual’s strengths
  • Longer battery life through improved diet and exercise
  • Better dress sense (well, probably not but I live in hope!)

And reduced:

  • Self indulgence
  • Tendency, at times, to believe she’s the Center of the Universe
  • Reduced over-sharing (nope – not gonna happen!)

I’ll be back to my regular schedule at California Yoga Center on Tuesday, September 7th.

Classes at Avenidas Senior Center begin on Monday, September 13th.