A Private Practice

One of the things I promised myself when I returned from teacher training was that I would continue with the 30-minute meditation we practiced each morning.  Without fail I would rise at the crack of dawn and sit in quiet contemplation.  Every morning.  For thirty minutes.  Without fail.  Oh yeah, and then I’d add thirty minutes of yoga.  Adding this to my crowded schedule would have the alarm going off sometime around five.  That’s actually before the crack of dawn.

And yet, I tried.  For about three days.  Until my plan was shot down by my pesky snooze alarm.

So how do we do it?  How do we keep the promises we make to ourselves?

Easy.  One step at a time.  With forgiveness.  By accepting that the desire to change should be a joy and not a chore.

The new plan?  Three days a week.  Ten minutes at a time.  Either in the morning or the afternoon.  On some days maybe both.  And when it becomes a part of who I am, then four days a week, and then five.

You see where I’m going here.  It doesn’t matter if it’s meditation, or asana practice, or going to the gym.  Change doesn’t happen over night.  We don’t go to bed on a Sunday evening and wake up on a Monday morning a new person.

It takes commitment and patience.  It takes love.  And we’re worth it.

A Thousand Sundays Later

When the California Street Farmer’s Market opened two years ago (or was it three?)  I promised myself I would visit every Sunday morning and come home with a week’s worth of organic goodness.  I’d have fresh produce breakfast, lunch and dinner while treating myself to organic goat cheese or fresh pressed cider.  Even better, because the market was only a mile away, I’d wake up with the sunrise and walk the scant mile.

One thousand days later, give or take a few Sundays, I did just that.

Let’s face it.  Good habits are difficult to establish.  I’m trying to trick myself into a ‘new normal’.

When I returned from yoga teacher training, I was certain I’d maintain the meditation practice and alcohol free vegetarian diet.

I promised myself I’d practice Flying Dragon or The Infant Series every morning before sitting down to write.

I was going to cancel my cable no matter how horrible the withdrawal from Mad Men was.

And I’d manage to do all of this before opening my laptop to check emails.

I dream big.  But I was asking for too much, too soon.

What I needed was to re-establish my rhythm – I needed to embrace my ‘old normal’.  I needed to give myself time to settle into a familiar schedule and to process everything I learned in those last weeks of August.

And now, six weeks to the day that I loaded my yoga mat and suitcase into the back of my Honda CRV and made my way over the mountains to Soquel, I finally feel ready to embrace a bit of change.  To welcome a new normal.  Am I going to cancel my cable?  Oh heck no.  Mad Men is brain candy.  And we all need something sweet now and then.

But here’s some humble advice anyway:

  • If you feel the need for change, ask yourself ‘why’. If you don’t know why you want to see a change in your life, then it probably won’t ‘stick’.
  • Play with your new normal – see what works, let go of what doesn’t without guilt or regret.
  • Hang on to a taste of the old normal.
  • Don’t make change a chore – make it fun.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a fridge full of fresh vegetables to prep for the quinoa salad I’m making for my lunch tomorrow.

Hair Today

Hair is over rated.

Some people mark life transitions with tattoos.  I have commitment issues – the only tattoos you’ll ever see on me are the ones that fade away.  To mark my life transitions I’m more likely to go for something long lasting but a little less permanent.  Like a haircut.  A very short haircut.  Delivered through my own hands. With a one-inch blade.

Shaving your head when you’re twenty-seven – the age when I first took a cheap beard trimmer to my curly brown locks – feels brave and reckless.  Doing the same when fifty-two is eight weeks away leans a little closer to menopausal madness.  But I craved it.  I talked about it for the past week and when friends said “No!” I still threatened to do it.

And by 5:43 this afternoon my hair was in a pile at my feet.

Things change. Hair grows. When I left my apartment on August 15th for teacher training and then followed those two incredible weeks with my journey home, I changed.  I moved closer to my authentic self.  And I needed to mark that change somehow – make it tangible.  Go figure.

My New Normal

It sure has been one heck of a summer: the build up to teacher training, two weeks at Land of Medicine Buddha and three days later my journey to Pennsylvania.  And now, here I am, ready to begin again.

  • AVENIDAS STUDENTS:  Autumn classes begin the week of Monday, September 13th.  You can register with Avenidas online or in person.  Classes are Monday’s at 1:00, Tuesday at 5:00 and Friday’s at either 10:30 or 11:45.  The Monday and Friday 10:30 class are gentler than the Tuesday and Friday 11:45 class.
  • CALIFORNIA YOGA CENTER STUDENTS:  I’m back and can’t wait to begin to incorporate everything I learned during teacher training into our classes.  I’ll see you Tuesday or Friday at 9:00.

For more information on my classes check out my ‘Classes’ page.

Samsara

I was the first one home.  I had to be – it was only a ninety-minute drive.  And so while I was unpacking, Anke and Emrik were leaving for Europe.  While I did laundry, Steph was waiting for the floatplane that would bring her home and Jaymie and her husband were enjoying one last day in Santa Cruz.  As I washed my car, Kristen and Mel were driving up the coast. Michael headed to Sonoma.   As I cruised the aisles of my local Safeway, Janet was cruising at 35,000 feet somewhere over the Pacific. We were all someplace else.  We were all returning to family and friends.

There were hugs and tears, of course.  That’s what sent me away in the first place – I didn’t want everyone to see me cry, although they already had.

By the time Dave reunited with his wife I was enjoying a late lunch that did not involve lentils, quinoa or green salad (although I wish it had).  I was in my beloved green leather chair, with the remote control in my hand.

Only hours later and the old comforts were nipping at my heels.

Habits shut us down and prevent us from living the life we are meant to live.  They are like choke holds.  We struggle to wrestle free from them.

Establishing a new rhythm to my life – abandoning the patterns that hold me down – will require persistence and strong belief in my ability to make it so.

Talking to friends about the last two weeks at Land of Medicine Buddha will be a difficult thing.  I can talk about the great food, the lovely people I met, the schedule we kept – but I won’t be able to talk about how it felt.  But that’s all right.  It’s my hope I won’t have to explain anything.  My actions will speak for themselves.

Day Six – Land of Medicine Buddha. No – Make that ‘Home Sweet Home’

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We have today off. My roommate invited me to drive down the coast with her but I’m a homebody.  After Friday’s last ‘Namaste’ I made my way ‘over the hill’ and came home.  Being home grounds me.  I can confirm the apartment is still here, my houseplants are still alive and the upstairs neighbors are still loud. The bottom line?  There’s a week of laundry to do and a DVR locked, loaded and ready for viewing.

So I’m here in my little studio processing the last six days and anticipating the next seven.  What I’m really trying to say is this:

Teacher training has been a colossal mind-bender (and you can feel free to replace ‘bender’ with slightly saltier language).

  • One moment I’m certain I’m a good yoga teacher – my teaching philosophy runs parallel to Paul and Suzee’s.
  • In the next moment I’m a failure because I’ve never seriously considered introducing yogic philosophy to my classes.
  • Before I arrived my yogic path was an Iyengar path – I believed his system of alignment meant my students were safe.
  • Now I’m asking myself, ‘how do I tell my students I’ve been wrong for the past sixteen years?’.
  • I convince myself that I can teach a hybrid of Iyengar and Yin (I call it I-YIN-Gar!).
  • But then I see that beautiful photo of Iyengar and his curiously long eyebrows in the studio where I teach.  He looks at me.  His brows are knit together in disapproval.

It’s a delicate balancing act, integrating two disparate schools of thought.

If you asked me, “What are you enjoying the most about teacher training?” I think the answer would change moment by moment.  But I have to admit I believe the most meaningful part of the day is the thirty-minute morning meditation.  I believe that continuing the practice when I return to “real life” will go a long way toward discovering where this new yoga path will lead.

Day Five and Counting at LMB

We learned a Yang sequence yesterday that I can’t wait to teach and this morning explored deepening stretches for the hip and lower back.  With twenty minutes to spare Paul said,  “Ok, do whatever you want.”  I couldn’t help it – I slipped in about ten minutes of Iyengar. Integrating Yin with Iyengar continues to be challenging but I don’t believe it is impossible.  During my Iyengar practice I was able to assimilate a little of Suzee’s Yang Flow with my favorite “slow flow” (triangle, half-moon, warrior one and back to standing forward bend) and if felt incredible.

I don’t believe it’s right of me to completely abandon the Iyengar way, even as I embrace Yin.  Just like everything, there is a balance.  It’s important to know what works about Iyengar (the props and the pace) and what doesn’t (the insistence on exact alignment).  And it’s important to know what works in Yin (the targeting of the fascia) and what doesn’t (the lack of precise answers that can frustrate a beginner).  I believe that in my teaching and in my practice, the two might gently learn to accommodate one another.

It’s a good day.  I can’t wait to return and share what I’m learning.

Time for an Upgrade

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Mimm.1 is Being Upgraded!


Look for the Launch of the New and Improved

Mimm.2 around August 31.

New features of Mimm.2 include:

  • Greater depth of knowledge – particularly regarding anatomy for yogis
  • Broader understanding of a posture’s effect on the human body
  • The ability to adjust postures to suit an individual’s strengths
  • Longer battery life through improved diet and exercise
  • Better dress sense (well, probably not but I live in hope!)

And reduced:

  • Self indulgence
  • Tendency, at times, to believe she’s the Center of the Universe
  • Reduced over-sharing (nope – not gonna happen!)

I’ll be back to my regular schedule at California Yoga Center on Tuesday, September 7th.

Classes at Avenidas Senior Center begin on Monday, September 13th.


Food and Sustenance

I have wonderful Yoga students.  Really.  Wonderful.

And I feel guilty about my last post’s rant.  I stand behind what I wrote but I didn’t mean to be so heavy-handed.  Blame my pre-menopausal hormones.  Or John Friend.  In any case, I should have waited twenty-four hours before hitting ‘publish’.

To make up for it, I offer a great recipe for white gazpacho and a tip for saving the earth one fabric remnant at a time.

Our Monday class at Avenidas began its summer break today and we decided to celebrate with a little party.  Marty brought her famous white gazpacho, Jan brought homemade chocolate chip cookies, and Mariella brought jam filled sugar cookies.  Who says Yogis don’t know how to have fun?

When I arrived for class a few weeks ago raving about the white gazpacho I’d been served at a dinner party, Marty insisted on comparing recipes. The dish I enjoyed was based on breadcrumbs, grapes, almonds and stock.  It’s dairy free. Marty’s features buttermilk and yogurt.  Both soups are delicious. Marty’s is light and summery – absolutely beautiful. The cooling combination of yogurt, cucumber and grape hits the tongue first.  After a moment the strong bite of pepper lands on the back of the throat.  The flavors are married, believe it or not, by the quirky tang of fresh dill. Is your mouth watering yet?

The bad news is, I don’t have Marty’s recipe.  But no worries!  I have the original white gazpacho – the gazpacho that started it all, and I can vouch for its wonderfulness.  One small note:  instead of water, feel free to use vegetable broth for more depth of flavor.  Enjoy!

http://thepauperedchef.com/2010/05/discovering-white-gazpacho.html

Saving the World One Fabric Remnant at a Time:

Like I said, I have wonderful students.  One of them is JoDee Raimondo.  Last year she began a business that rescues fabric remnants destined for the landfill.

She  turns them into adorable bags like this one (be sure to check out the lining):

JoDee also makes little wristlets like this one:

What I like about them is their attention to detail, her choice of fabric combinations and the fact that they are one of a kind creations. JoDee accepts commissions.  She recently created a handbag for a woman.  JoDee incorporated the client’s late husband’s  favorite tie.  What a wonderful remembrance.  If you want to know more about JoDee and her designer purses, here’s the link:

http://sites.google.com/site/pursesbyjodee/

Finally, a little reminder for Avenidas students:

  • Registration for the Fall Quarter begins on Monday, August 16th.
  • Fall Classes begin on Monday, September 13th.
  • Beginning in September our sessions will run ten weeks instead of twelve.  We’ll keep the same schedule, with classes on Monday’s at 1:00, Tuesdays at 5:00 and Fridays at 10:30 or 11:45.  Click on ‘Classes’ for more details.

Can You Go Home Again?

When I began to consider self-care – what it meant and how I could care for myself more without caring for others less – I really believed it was just a matter of reduced screen time, more quiet time and a few walks around the block.  I believed it was that easy.

As it happens, self-care manifests differently depending on who you are and where you are in your life.  Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that we deserve to be cared for just as much as anyone else.  That’s a big one for me, believing I deserve it.  Believing I’m worthy of care.

Thomas Wolff wrote: “You can’t go back home to your family, back home to your childhood … back home to a young man’s dreams of glory and of fame … back home to places in the country, back home to the old forms and systems of things which once seemed everlasting but which are changing all the time — back home to the escapes of Time and Memory.”

And yet, if I want to connect the dots of my rambling life, if I want to heal and move forward, then I must take a huge step back and look at the past I abandoned so many years ago. I’ve booked my ticket, hotel and rental car and in September I’m going home for the first time in twenty-eight years.

This won’t be easy but I’m going to embrace every good, bad, ugly and thrilling moment.

Fortunately, before I go East I’m headed to the Land of Medicine Buddha on the Pacific coast in Soquel, California.  I’ll be attending Paul Grilley’s Yin Yoga Workshop.  Fourteen days of meditation, yoga, instruction and vegetarian food with no internet access.

I’ve wanted to attend Grilley’s teacher training since 2008 but each year I managed to talk myself out of it.  I’m glad that I’ve finally overcome (or at least set aside) the fear and insecurity I had about attending.

I suppose you’re wondering about the fear and insecurity. Let’s not go there.  I’ll just say my fears walk a fine line between the rational and irrational.

On a final, practical note:  if you attend my classes either at California Yoga Center in Palo Alto or at Avenidas, you can find details on who is subbing for me while I’m gone and important dates regarding the summer and fall quarters by clicking on the Classes page.