“Are you listening to me?”

We were sitting at my desk getting ready for a cozy evening of movie watching on the iMac.

“Are you listening to me?”

I said, “Of course I’m listening to you.” And then proceeded to repeat in perfect order every word.

I wish. Truth is, while I heard Ben talking, I wasn’t listening. 

We don’t do it on purpose. Sometimes we’re distracted. Sometimes we’re thinking about answers to questions that haven’t been asked. Sometimes we’re thinking about lunch.

Whatever the reason, when we are hearing and not listening, we miss out on the benefits that being present and mindful offer. We lose our connection to the person speaking and all that implies, whether it’s a moment of empathy and support or a chance to laugh ourselves silly. 

So here is how I plan to practice listening:

1. I’m going to back away from the keyboard in order to turn my gaze from the computer screen or cutting board or craft project to the person speaking.
2. I’m going to look them in the eyes to make a connection – a silent affirmation to indicate ‘yes, what you have to say is important and I am listening to you’.
3. I’m going to notice when my mind begins to act on the urge to form a response before the person who is speaking has finished – and then draw myself back to the present.
4. I’m going to ask more questions. An enquiring mind is a listening mind.
5. I’m not going to talk simply to hear myself speak because, in the end, I’ll learn more from listening to others.